【www.gbppp.com--人生感悟】
三十而立太晚 二十几岁才是人生的关键
二十几岁最大的优点在于：任何一个决定都会改变你的一生。当你步入30、40岁，改造自己将变得越来越困难。所以趁着自己还年轻，改变自己。20岁，是人生的关键、
The best and worst part about being a twenty-something is that every decision you make can change the rest of your life. Once you're in your 30's or 40's, it gets harder and harder to reinvent yourself. In this Q&A with Dr. Meg Jay, the clinical psychologist explains why the twenties matter, and how to make the most of them.
二十几岁最大的优点（同时也是缺点）之处在于：任何一个决定都会改变你的一生。当你步入30、40岁，改造自己将变得越来越困难。在视频分享网站《大思想）这篇和Meg Jay博士的访谈中，这位临床心理学家将向我们解释为什么20岁是人生的关键，以及，我们将应该怎样充分利用这段岁月。
Big Think: Why are the 20s so important?
Big Think（以下简称BT）：为什么说20多岁是人生的关键？
Dr. Meg Jay: Our 20s are the defining decade of adulthood. 80% of life's most defining moments take place by about age 35. 2/3 of lifetime wage growth happens during the first ten years of a career. More than half of Americans are married or are dating or living with their future partner by age 30. Personality can change more during our 20s than at any other decade in life. Female fertility peaks at 28. The brain caps off its last major growth spurt. When it comes to adult development, 30 is not the new 20. Even if you do nothing, not making choices is a choice all the same. Don't be defined by what you didn't know or didn't do.
Meg Jay医生（以下简称MJ）：20多岁是决定成人轨迹的时刻。80%人生中最有决定性的时刻都会在35岁前出现。三分之二的加薪出现在职业生涯的头十年。到了30岁，大于一半的美国人都已结婚、或约会、或正在和未来的婚姻对象同居。你的性格在20多岁时会比人生中任意十年中都要改变得更多。女性的生殖力在28岁达到巅峰。大脑功能会在此时达到最后的冲刺。至于成年的发展，30岁远远比不上20出头的毛头小子。即使你呆着什么也不做，“不做任何选择”其实也是种选择。别因为年轻时你的无知和懒惰而葬送一生。
BT: You write about several cases of recent grads who feel they're drowning or floundering around in the world waiting for something to happen. Has it always been this hard to thrive in early adulthood?
BT：你曾提到过几个例子，关于刚毕业的学生们感到自己在世上被淹没、被放任自流，被动地等待着好事发生。在成年初期的成长，一直都那么难吗？
MJ: No. There are 50 million 20somethings in the United States most of whom are living with a staggering, unprecedented amount of uncertainty. Many no idea what they will be doing, where they will be living, or who they will be with in 2 or 10 years. They don't know when they'll be happy or when they will be able to pay their bills. They wonder if they should be photographers or lawyers or event planners. They don't know whether they
are a few dates or many years from a meaningful relationship. They worry about whether they will have families or whether their marriages will last. Most simply, they don't know whether their lives will work out and they don't know what to do. Uncertainty makes people anxious and distraction is the 21st-Century opiate of the masses. So too many 20somethings are tempted, and even encouraged, to just turn away and hope for the best. That's not the way to go.
MJ：不是的。美国有5千万20岁出头的年轻人，他们中的绝大部分正过着迷茫的生活，充满空前的不确定性。很多人不知道自己将要做些什么，会在哪里定居，也不知道2到10年后会和谁共同生活。他们不知道自己能否过上幸福生活、也不知道未来的自己付不付得起账单。他们为自己该当一个摄影师、律师亦或是规划师而举棋不定。他们也不知道到底何时才能进入稳定的婚姻生活。他们担心自己是否会孑然一身、或婚姻是否能天长地久。简单地说，他们既怀疑人生又茫然不知所措。不确定性让人们变得焦虑且注意力分散，这是二十一世纪的群体鸦片。于是，许多二十出头的年轻人被它所迷惑甚至蛊惑着去逃避现实，顺其自然。但这可不是个好办法。
BT: One of the main themes in the book is the line between thinking and doing. You argue that it's more important to just do something than to waste years dreaming up the perfect path. How can 20-somethings to put this idea into action?
BT：书中的主题之一是“想法和行动之间的界限”。您谈到“与其浪费生命在做白日梦上，不如直接去做点儿什么”。20多岁的青年们怎么才能做到这点？
MJ: One of my favorite quotes is by American Psychologist Sheldon Kopp: "The unlived life isn't worth examining." Too many 20somethings have been led to believe that their 20s are for thinking about what they want to do and their 30s are for getting going on real life. But there is a big difference between having a life in your 30s and starting a life in your 30s. If you want to be more intentional at work and in love, try working in a field you're curious about. Try dating someone who is different from that last person who turned out to be a disaster, and try conducting yourself a bit differently while you're at it. Sure the 20s are for experimenting, but not just with philosophies and vacations and substances. The 20s are your best chance to experiment with jobs and relationships. Then each move can be more intentional and more informed than the last.
MJ：我很喜欢美国心理学家Sheldon Kopp的一句话：“平淡的人生不值得审视”。有太多年轻人被误导着去相信：“20岁是用来思考自己想干嘛的，而30岁才是真正步入生活的时候”。如果你想更积极地去工作，去爱，选择一个你感兴趣的领域，然后开始工作吧。试着和上一个给你带来惨痛回忆截然不同的对象约会，并时刻提醒自己要开始转变。诚然，20多岁正是体验的时候，但光凭哲思般的空想、度假和物质满足可不行。20多岁是体验不同工作和感情生活的最好时机。你所做的每一步，都应该比上一次更具目的性、更富远见。
BT: How do you suggest they track their progress toward their future goals? Are milestones like 21 and 30 important?
BT：您是如何建议他们朝着未来目标不断进步的？21和30岁这样的里程碑时刻是不是特别重要？ MJ: Absolutely. Milestones--21, 25, 30, New Year's, birthdays, reunions--are important because they trigger self-reflection. Am I where I wanted to be by this age? Did I do what I said I would do this year? If not, why not. And if not now, when? A savvy 20something who interviewed me recently told me about a question she was advised to ask herself as she moved through adulthood: "If you keep living your life exactly as it is, where will you be in 3 years?" If you don't like the answer, now is the time to change course.
MJ：没错。21岁、25岁、30岁、新年、生日、团聚日——这些都是里程碑时刻，因为它们能促人反思。到了这个年纪，我有没有处在自己想处的位置？我年初的计划完成了没？如果没完成，原因又是什么？如果现在不完成，那么什么时候可以完成？最近有个很有悟性的、20出头的女孩采访我，她告诉我，有人建议她在这几年中反复扪心自问：“如果你保持着今天的生活状态，3年后的你会是什么样子？” 如果得到的答案并不是你所喜欢的，那么现在就是洗心革面的时候。
One way to keep yourself honest about the future is by making a timeline. At what age would I like to be out of this dead-end job? By when do I hope to be married? How old do I want to be when I try for my first child? It may not be cool to have a timeline, or to admit to having a timeline, but you don't have to etch it in stone. It's just a way of thinking about how your life might, or might not, be adding up.
让自己诚实面对未来的方法之一是制定一个时间表。什么时候我才能跳出这份没前途的工作？我打算什么时候结婚？我打算几岁时要第一个孩子？虽然定计划这事儿听上去不是很酷，但是，你又没必要把它刻在石头上啊。这不过是种帮助你计划未来人生的方式。
BT: About 25% of recent grads are unemployed, and 25% are underemployed. What is your advice for those who simply can't find a job?
BT：应届毕业生有25%找不到工作，还有25%的人做着大材小用的工作。你对于那些找不到工作的人有什么建议？
MJ: Yes, half of 20somethings are un- or underemployed. But half aren't, so my first piece of advice is to figure out how to get yourself into that group. Most often, the way to do this is through what is called "the strength of weak ties." The strength of weak ties is from sociologist Mark Granovetter's work on social networks. What he found was that new information and opportunities usually come from outside of our inner circle. That foot-in-the-door at the company where you want to work isn't going to come from your best friends--your strong
ties--or you would already be working there. That job lead is going to come from weak ties, or from people you hardly know. Email your aunt's neighbor or that old professor or your roommate's friend from college.
MJ：没错，大约一半的20出头年轻人不是找不到工作，就是找不到称心如意的。但也有一半的人找到了。所以，我第一个建议是：想想自己怎么能从这一半跳到那一半的梯队中。通常来讲，要实现这一点，“弱关系的力量”很重要。所谓的“弱关系”是社会学家Mark Granovetter在研究社交网络时提出来的。他发现最新的信息和机会往往来自那些你最亲密人以外的圈子里。假如你想去某家公司工作，这个职业机会绝对不会来自你的挚友（即强关系），否则你早就进去工作了不是么。这个工作机会很可能来自弱关系，或者来自那些你几乎不认识的人。所以，给你大姨的邻居、学校里的老教授、或是大学室友的朋友发个邮件吧，说不定你就得到这份工作了。
That's how people are getting jobs--especially good jobs--even in a tough economy. Most 20somethings hate the idea of asking outsiders for favors, but those who won't do this fall behind those who will. 20somethings who sit on the sidelines because of a bad economy will never catch up with those who figured out how to get in the game.
工作就要这样去找，尤其是好工作。即使在经济不景气的情况下，也能找得到。很多20出头的年轻人不喜欢向不熟的人求助，于是他们便被那些愿意求助的同龄人甩在了后面，因为坐以待毙是永远也追不上积极进取的脚步的。【20几岁,没有十年】
For those 20somethings who already have jobs but who are underemployed, it is crucial to remember that not all underemployment is the same. Be sure you have a job that is allowing you to earn some form of identity capital. Maybe you have a low-rung job at a hot company that adds value to your resume. Whatever you're doing should make the next thing you'd like to try seem more possible.
对于那些虽然找到了工作，但并不满意的年轻人，你们需要记住一点，那就是并非所有的不充分就业都是一样的。要确保你自己在干的是一份能为你挣得身份资本的工作。比如，你在一家炙手可热的公司虽然做着打杂的活儿，但它能给你简历添金。所以，你现在做的任何一件事，都应该是在为你的梦想铺路。
BT: How can 20somethings reclaim their status as adults given all the cultural trends working against them?
BT：如何让20多岁的年轻人在文化趋势相悖的情况下，重新塑造他们的成年人身份形象呢？
MJ: Don't let culture trivialize your life and work and relationships. Don't hang out only with people who are drinking the 30-is-the-new-20 kool-aid. I cannot tell you how many emails I have received from 30somethings since The Defining Decade came out, ones in which the writer says something like, "I used to roll my eyes at my peers who were determined to meet benchmarks--graduate school, real relationships, decent-paying jobs that
reflect their interests--on time or early. Now I'm envious and admiring of them. Now I'm working twice as hard for half the result." Don't shrug your shoulders and say, "I'm in my 20s. What I'm doing doesn't count." Recognize that what you do, and what you don't do, will have an enormous impact across years and even generations. You're deciding your life right now.【20几岁,没有十年】
MJ：别让这些文化趋势把你的生活、工作和情感变得无聊琐碎。不和那些鼓吹“在新世纪30岁就等于从前的20岁”这类言论的人交朋友。当《决定性的十年》一书出版后，我收到过无数封来自30岁人的email，其中一封信中说道：“以前，我总是对那些努力完成计划的人翻白眼。他们有的在准备读研、有的准备结婚、有的想找自己感兴趣同时又体面的工作……最终都及时甚至是超前地完成了他们的目标。而如今的我又嫉妒又佩服他们，只能用两倍的努力，却只能换来他们已拥有东西的一半。” 千万别耸耸肩无所谓洒脱地说：“我才20出头，做什么都是徒劳。” 区分什么该做、什么不该做能对你的人生、甚至你后代的人生产生巨大的影响。你的人生，要由你自己决定。
BT: As a clinical psychologist, what advice do you have for coping with emotions like anxiety which inevitably arise during times of economic uncertainty?
BT：作为一名临床心理学家，您对于处在当下经济形势不稳定的时刻，那些内心焦虑的年轻人有什么建议？
MJ: Given that life and the brain change so much across our 20s, this is the perfect time to learn new coping strategies. It's not okay to go to work with scars on your arms from cutting, it's not acceptable to scream at friends when things go wrong, and live-in girlfriends get tired of seeing us stoned every night. These are the years to learn to calm yourself down. Gain some control over your emotions. Sure, there's Xanax, which a recent conference presenter I heard only half-jokingly called "Jack Daniels in a Pill." But practice calming techniques that can work over the long run: exercise, therapy, mindfulness, yoga, cognitive meditation, deep breathing, healthy distraction, dialectical behavior therapy. Use your rational mind to counter the anxious and catastrophic thoughts you have: "I probably won't be fired because I dropped one phone call." Try to create your own certainty by making healthy choices and commitments that off-set the upheaval in the world around.
MJ：人们的生活和想法从20岁开始会有很大的转变，所以这正是最佳的学习应对困难的时刻。你要懂得，带着纹身去上班是不对的，出现问题时对朋友大喊大叫是不可取的，同样，也不要每天喝得酩酊大醉地回家——你的同居女友早就受够了。要学会冷静，学会控制情绪。虽然现在好像有种被戏称为“威士忌做成的镇定剂”存在，叫Xanax，不过真正的长期情绪控制还得靠自己。你可以尝试运动、治疗、专注训练、瑜伽、认知冥想、深呼吸、健康的分心、辨证行为疗法等。用理智来战胜焦虑和不安的想法，比如：“我只是漏接了一个电话，并不会因此被炒鱿鱼的。” 在世界环境变化莫测的情况下，你要通过做出正确、有益的选择，来给自己提供稳定。
一：用好自己的钱
二十几岁的男人，通过自己几年的打拼，口袋逐渐丰盈起来，有了一些属于自己的钱。钱的数目逐年增加，我们应该怎样对待这笔钱呢？
钱财乃身外之物，辛辛苦苦把它赚回来，就是用来改善自己的物质和精神生活质量。该花的钱一定要花。
但是花钱也要有一个度。自己的钱怎么花是自己的事情，别人不会干涉，但是花钱的时候还是应该保持清醒的头脑，理智地消费比较好。花多少，花在什么地方，量力而行。
作为二十几岁的男人，如果比别人更早地学会用钱，就会充分调动和挖掘钱的力量，为自己带来更多财富。这里强调的是带来的财富，而不是钱。那么怎样做才是正确有效地利用自己的钱呢？办法有以下几种：
1.把自己的每一分钱都用在刀刃上。把钱用在刀刃上干什么？使自己的刀更锋利，轻松地砍掉人生路上的荆棘，消灭一个个拦路虎。作为二十几岁的年轻人，哪些是刀刃呢？
学习自己所在行业需要的专业新知识和新技能。每一个行业都在飞速向前发展，知识不断刷新，消费者的需求更加难以把握。要想保证在能人辈出的时代不被淘汰，不被后浪推到沙滩上，就得主动学习，参加各种有针对性的培训，使自己综合实力增强，身价倍增，名气增大。
结交更多能给自己带来发展机会的人。每一个行业都有一些经验丰富、见解独到、预见精准的人，还有一些把握着行业发展所需资源、有着宽广人脉的人。与这些人成为朋友，我们就会机会无限，钱途无限。
2.购买有升值空间的财产
有了多余的钱，存到银行里是一种选择。但是同样的钱放在银行里，获得的利息是很有限的，不如买一些有增值空间而且风险不大的财产，这些财产有哪些呢？
房产。年轻人手里有了钱，最好还是买一套房子，前提是我们能买得起，房贷不会影响我们的生活质量、工作和学习，不会成为我们巨大的压力。
购买房子的好处很多，在房租与房贷等同的情况下，能多买一套房子就多买一套房子，把房子出租用来还贷。别担心房子会贬值，中国有10亿农民，他们想在大城市里拥有一套房子的欲望非常强烈。
不可再生的东西。很多当时非常普遍、非常廉价的东西，因为没人重视又不再生，就存在升值的空间。在这个方面做一个有心人，看远一些，就会以现在最小的投资换将来巨大的财富。只要是不可再生，将来会越来越少的东西，都值得关注，不论现在的价钱如何。
黄金。黄金是全世界最稳定、最能代表财富的东西。任何钱币都会因时势的变化而贬值，而黄金不会，并全世界通用。
3.保险
这个社会上每天都有各种各样的灾难发生。发生在别人身上是故事，发生在自己身上就是事故。人生，就是从出生到死亡的一个过程，在这个过程中，很多灾难无法预知，更防不胜防。我们可以想尽一切办法避免灾难，但是灾难一旦选择了我们，我们也只有承担和接受了。
大病和意外伤害保险。人吃五谷杂粮，没有不生病的。科技的发展与大自然规律被破坏、生命规律被打乱，很多前所未有闻所未闻的疾病随时随地都可能袭击我们。保险并不会让我们的投入得到增值，但是它能让我们以最小的代价转移最大的风险。
辛辛苦苦几十年，一场灾难原点每天都在发生。在灾难面前，任何人最好别怀有侥幸的心理。
每年被迫存点钱。假如我们从20岁开始，每一年给自己在银行存3000元，一直存到60 岁，而且只有到60岁的时候才能取出来，算一算，在我们退休的时候，会有多少钱呢？12万元。
一年之中，3000元松松手就能花掉，多出这3000元，我们生活水平不会提高多少，少了3000元，也不会降低多少。但是60岁的时候有了12万元，效果就不一样了。保险，就是能逼着我们把不该花的钱攒下来。
4.谨慎投资
人是很奇怪的动物，没钱时想有想法都没有，有钱了想没想法都不可能。看到别人做一些投资，短时间内投资获得高回报，自己难免也蠢蠢欲动，想把钱放到一个地方，不费吹灰之力，就能赚到成倍的钱。
任何投资都会有风险，只赚不赔的买卖永远不存在。但投资是我们一定要做的，哪些投资要非常谨慎呢？
谨防高回报的投资。任何骗局都是披着省时、省力、省心和高回报的外衣来到你面前的。如果有一天有人对你说，把你的钱给我，我有一个项目，每个月保证你有20％的回报，投资100万元，一个月就会变成120万元，一年就会变成240万元。一年什么都不做，坐在家里就能赚到140万元，多好的美事啊！
这个世界上，除了走私、制造和贩卖毒品，还真找不到有这么高回报的生意。还有一种可能，那就是空头支票，从你这里拿走100万元，三个月给你60万元，剩下的40万元就找不到人要了。
不和陌生人在陌生领域投资。一个小学没毕业的人，人品还有些问题，这样的人找我们做图书出版生意，和我们说如果做一本发行100万册的畅销书，就会有几百万元的净利润，这个资投不投？绝对不能投。图书已经是夕阳产业，有几本发行上百万册的书，都有其独特的背景和独特的运作。两个对图书一无所知的人，能把握好图书出版的每一个细节吗？根本不可
能。和这样的人做这样的投资，血本无归才是正常的。
很多行业我们都陌生，那么我们就不能做投资了吗？也不是。只要我们对哪一个行业感兴趣了，有投资的意愿，首先就得保持冷静的头脑，接近那个行业，关注那个行业，并向那个行业里的正直的专业人士讨教学习，听听他们的建议。
二：我们的资源在哪里
每一个想发展，想成功的人，如果没有资源，等于纸上谈兵，痴人说梦。投资做买卖，得看看自己口袋里有多少钱，得看看自己是不是经商的材料。
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